Monday, 15 December 2008

Sexy, eh?

Who said pregnancy is glamorous? And what thicko said pregnant women are beautiful? OK I have to admit I DID think pregnant women were beautiful and radiant, until I actually became one. It makes me what to cry when I read some super-thin celebrity saying "I've never felt sexier". Really? Liar! What's sexy about it? At my debut appointment with my GP last week, he started with a few questions about my general well-being. When I responded that everything was fine 'n' dandy, he continued: "So have you been bothered with insomnia, depression, thrush, haemorrhoid's, varicose veins, leaking nipples, itchy skin, swollen ankles...?" Jeez. Who signed me up for this? Thankfully I could shake my head until he mentioned "heartburn and ingestion". My pink bottle of Gaviscon goes everywhere I go. I even take it to bed for emergency midnight swigs. The worse thing about the heartburn is that it makes me feel sick. And when I'm sick, the heartburn is 100 times worse. It's a vicious circle really.

Just to reinforce how unglamorous I feel: Last week during one of my late-night recycling sessions, the vomit was so projectile it actually hit the wall BEHIND me. And as I was spewing and coughing, my full bladder was getting so squashed that I was wetting myself a bit. Sexy, eh?

Better still, it's going to get worse. My hospital bag is packed full of girlie delights like breast pads, nipple cream. maternity towels and HUGE pants. I swear the scouts could use them as tents. They should be buried under the floorboards and nailed down.

On a more positive note, it's the first time in years that I've had a full set of toe-nails. I just a shame I won't be able to see them for much longer :-)

6 comments:

Marco Consani said...

You forgot to mention that your projectile vomit managed to also land all over my tooth brush too and that your hospital bag will need it's on mini bus to get to the hospital. ;-)
I think you look glamorous and sexy though.. :-)

Mxx

Debbie Martin-Consani said...

I haven't even finished packing my hospital bag yet! And I bet your food supply is bigger.

I told you, your toothbrush was the first thing I could find to clean up the bathroom. It was late and dark afterall :-) Te he.

xx

Rachel Jayne Stevenson/Rogers said...

Ahh, you guys crack me up. Thought of getting your own show? 'The two Martinis Consanies'

Subversive Runner said...

What about your belly button, Debs? Is it protruding yet, just to add to your increasing level of sexiness???

Clare said...

ok, all the puking sounds awful, but 2 things to keep in mind: the reward at the end is AWESOM (obviously, and i know it's annoying when everyone says that as if you didn't know), and honestly, you'll go back to looking normal pretty quickly. i'm only 5 days pp and the previously looser version of my normal pants fit (and button!). though the belly button, i gotta say, still looks freaky. good luck! at least the two of you have a good sense of humor about it!

N.D. said...

Oh my gosh! the vomiting sounds horrible!!! Yes this is not glamorous. Why can't men do this???? Maybe I would miss feeling the baby and blaming moodiness on pregnancy but that's it!
You're getting closer and closer! Hang in there!